How to respond to “hey” on a dating app
Reply with one specific thing from their profile and one easy question that has an opinion in it. That is it. “Hey” handed you the conversation; your job is to give it a direction, and the only reply that fails for certain is “hey” back.
Everything below is the reasoning, twelve replies you can adapt, and the three that quietly end things.
What “hey” actually means
It is tempting to read “hey” as low effort, and sometimes it is. More often it is the default move of someone who matched you, was pleased about it, and had no idea what to say. On Bumble, where women have to send the first message, “hey” is the safest possible way to open the door without committing to a bit. On Hinge and Tinder it is the equivalent of making eye contact across a room. It is not a message so much as a signal that the other person is now waiting for one.
Which means the weight of the conversation is now on your reply. That is not a burden — it is an advantage. The person who sends the first real message sets the tone, and the tone you set is the one you get back.
The rule: acknowledge lightly, then give it somewhere to go
A good reply to “hey” has three parts, and the first one is optional.
- A light acknowledgement, or none. “Hey yourself” is fine. “Hi!” is fine. Skipping it entirely and going straight to the question is also fine, and often better.
- One specific thing from their profile. A photo, a prompt answer, a line in their bio, their job, the dog. This is the part that proves the message was written for them and not pasted to six matches.
- One easy question, with a position in it. Not “how’s your day?” — that has a one-word answer. A question they can disagree with is a question that produces a second message.
Keep it to two or three lines. A paragraph in reply to “hey” reads as pressure; a single line reads as a shrug. Two or three is a conversation.
Twelve replies, by situation
Change the details — these are shapes, not scripts. A reply that mentions a Lisbon photo when their photo is in Lisbon is a message; the same reply sent to someone whose photos are all in a kitchen is a form letter.
When their profile gives you something to work with
Hey — I need to know if the pasta in your second photo was as good as it looks, or if it was a photo-first situation.
Hi! Your prompt says you’d pick the window seat every time. Strong position. What’s the argument?
Hey. Your dog looks like he has opinions about you being on this app. Is he right?
Hey! Saw the climbing photo — indoor person or actual-rock person? This matters more than it should.
When their profile is thin — photos only, or a bio that says nothing
Hey. Your profile is giving very little away, so I’m going to have to ask directly: what’s the thing you’d talk about for an hour if someone let you?
Hi! No bio, three great photos, so I’ll guess: you either hate writing about yourself or you’re mysterious on purpose. Which is it?
Hey — settle something for me. Is a hot dog a sandwich? I need to know before this goes any further.
Hey. On a scale from “brunch person” to “6am run person”, where are you? No wrong answer, only consequences.
When you want to be playful or a little bold
Hey. That’s a strong opener — I’m going to need a minute to match the energy.
Hi! I was going to write something clever, but your third photo distracted me. Where was that?
Hey — I feel like “hey” was a test and I’ve already overthought it. What would have passed?
Hey! Two truths and a lie, go. I’ll guess, and if I get it right you owe me the story.
The last group only works if it matches the rest of your profile. If your bio is earnest and your reply is a bit, the mismatch is what they will notice.
The three replies that end it
“Hey” back. Now two people have said hey and nobody has said anything. One of you has to write a real message, and you have just voted for it to be them. Often, they will not.
“How are you?” / “How’s your day going?” These feel polite and are dead ends. The honest answer is “fine”, and then the conversation is exactly where it started, one exchange later. If you want to ask about their day, ask about a specific part of it: “Is this a Sunday-on-the- sofa day or a Sunday-you’re-pretending-to-be-productive day?”
The interrogation. Three questions in one message — job, city, weekend plans. It reads like a form. One question at a time, and make it one worth answering.
There is a fourth, quieter one: the essay. If “hey” is met with a paragraph about yourself, you have answered a question nobody asked and left them with nothing to reply to.
If “hey” arrives after you already wrote something
Then they did not read it, or read it on the way somewhere and forgot. Do not repeat yourself and do not point it out. Treat it as a fresh open: one light line, one new question. “Hey! Ignore my earlier essay. Quick one — [question].” If it happens twice, it is telling you something about how much attention this conversation is going to get.
When “hey” is actually the signal
Some “hey”s are exactly what they look like. If you send a good reply and get “haha” back, then “yeah” to your next question, then “hey” again three days later, that is not a shy person warming up — it is low interest expressed politely. A great reply does not change that, and the third attempt is not persistence, it is not hearing the answer.
You will not know which kind of “hey” it was until you send one good reply. So send one, send it well, and let the response tell you.
On timing
Reply when you see it. Waiting three hours so as not to seem keen is a strategy for a different decade, and on an app where your match is also talking to other people, the conversation that is actually happening beats the one that is being carefully timed. The only reason to wait is that you do not yet have anything to say — and if that is the reason, thirty seconds with their profile is usually enough.
If you are staring at “hey” and have nothing
That is the exact moment Rizz Wingman was built for: screenshot the profile or the chat, pick a tone, and it drafts three ways to answer that come from what they actually posted, in your own way of writing. They are drafts, and the point is to send one that sounds like you — change a word, drop a line, or write your own with the three in front of you. If you would not say it out loud, do not send it.
The short version
“Hey” is an invitation, not an insult. Skip the “hey” back, skip “how are you”, pull one thing from their profile, ask one question they can have an opinion about, and keep it to three lines. If they run with it, you have a conversation. If they do not, you found out for the price of one good message — which is the cheapest information on the app.